Questioning my own life in many facettes

Hey Brooke,

I found out about you from a coach in Germany and I really LOVE your work, what you are doing and how you show up in the world being the best version of yourself. I really, really love that!

After listening to your podcasts, I absolutely wanted to go all in and do the work neccessary on my own.

Let me give you a short summary of my topic.
I was grown up by a depressive mum, after her dad and one of her brothers commited suicide.
Because of her anxiety that something could happen to me, she grew me up very over-protective. Being a child, I was not allowed to go out and meet friends on my own. And all of her anxiety and depression was projected on me. So, there was no space for me to progress in my self-development as a child. This proceeded into my teenager time and also in my adulthood.

So now that I am 30 years old, after a long time of being unhappy, I quit my job and fulfilled my dream going to New Zealand on my own for 2 months. Now, that I came back, I wanted to change my life. Because before that time, I was in a job I didn’t really like and I was living a life, that I didn’t really like, because it felt like being nice, adorable and people-pleasing and doing what other people (like my parents, my husband, my family in law) expect me to do. There was no passion for my job, for hobbies or even for friends.

I am now trying to figure out what kinda job I want and especially who I want to become.
I want to show up as the best version of myself but I don’t even know who I am. I mean, I used to be a people-pleaser because I didn’t even know what I want in my life and who I want to become. I look into the mirror, seeing myself being shy and anxious and really quite, asking myself “Why arent’t you behaving the way you are?”. But then, I question myself the same time “Who am I?”. It feels like not having any personality at all.
I did a lot of models on it, to tell my mind to know what I want. But everything that comes up is like “I want to travel again and be free for the rest of my life”. But I guess this can’t be a realistic solution and it feels like running away from myself and my life. So, I am trying to figure out, what I want and what is realistic. But I really can’t find an answer.

I am sorry, if there are too many different things in my question.
I really hope that you can help me out, doing the right work to proceed in my self-development.

Thank you so much!