I am getting divorced and have come to a couple of settlements with me husband.
I think he is being a jerk (not the part I want to change) but I am trying to let that fuel me to pursue things and focus on myself and what I need to do for myself.
I agreed to a settlement that is not overly favorable to me from three places
1) I felt defeated and didn’t think I had the financial and emotional resources to fight in court
2) I wanted to be done with arguing and move on to focus on myself/children/life moving forward
3) At times in the process I felt empowered to create an amazing life for myself going forward (thank you scholars) and thought it didn’t matter what the settlement was, I was going to triumph anyway.

Each of these three feel increasingly better and I probably take progressively better actions from 1 to 3.

I was operating more from 3 lately, but in the past week two things happened that have made me doubt my decision to sign the agreement and even to see if I can renegotiate or think I did a poor job negotiating.

A) I consulted with a new lawyer who asked if I wanted to revisit the settlement agreement, if I thought it was fair.
B) my sister heard the settlement amount and said “that seems pretty low for someone who makes as much as he does.”

With those two C’s,
The thoughts I am having now are

T- it is my fault the amount is so low, I should have negotiated for more
F – not good about self (not sure if this is disappointment, fear, self-loathing, self-doubt, shame, embarrassment, or something else)
A – wonder in my mind if I should hire lawyer to determine if I should renegotiate. Worry that I can’t count on myself to take care of myself. Worry that I will be blamed for taking such a low amount. Worry that I won’t be successful and then the negotiation would have really mattered. Think over many things I should have done differently in the relationship.
R – I am not moving forward? I am still in the negotiation in my mind.

T – I should find out if/how I would renegotiate.
F – overwhelmed, discouraged, burdened, fearful
A – do not move forward with completing the steps in settlement because might want to renegotiate, think about how I want best outcome and want this over, ruminate on negative thoughts and feelings about husband.
R – spending energy in topics related to husband, not in topics growing myself and my business (though I could learn something in finding out if settlement can be renegotiated).

It is very upsetting for me to think that I should have negotiated better. I think that is true and that I could have gotten a better deal and my husband would only say, well you agreed to it. Strong negative feelings about him right now.