I desire to be a good mother. I want to be a role model to my children in how to behave in a supportive, caring, and considerate manner when interacting in life. The main skill I want to teach them is how to problem solve successfully.

The problem is that I am so doubtful if my actions align with that. I try to be validating and sympathetic to them when they struggle. However I constantly question my approach, always thinking I’m doing it wrong, I could be doing it better. I question my sincerity of the validation I give them. I know my strengths as a mother. I know what I do really well. I know my children are getting an amazing upbringing. It’s just that I struggle when they fight with each other and helping them figure it out.

Circumstance: My daughter was crying (My son hit her because she provoked him)
My first thought was: I don’t want to deal with this, I have work to do, let them figure this out on their own.
My next thought was: She’s hurt, I want her to have the capacity to be there for others in pain I need to role model that for her so she learns that skill. I want her to know that I will always be there for her so I need to show her that.
Feeling: impatience, Doubt
Actions: I listened to them, helped them and supported them
Result: Both of my kids shared their feeling and thoughts about the situation, I felt lousy and doubtful. (hence I am writing in)

Q: Can you please help me with this model? Specifically between why first and second thought, what cause a person to shift their thoughts?