Race, Attraction, and Dating


I’m on a text thread with a group of women friends and a few gals shared about recent dating and sexual experiences. I shared about my own desires to ease into dating and one of my friends responded, “You are the prize. Remember that.”

Thought Download:
– You are the prize. Give me a fucking break.
– It’s easy for you to say that and believe that because you’re fucking white and that’s all the people on these dating apps.
– I am not the prize.
– Mona set up Sarah with a guy by exchanging photos first.
– And of course it worked out because Sarah is white.
– That’s my worst nightmare – a guy seeing my photo first because I just know he’ll be repulsed and then I’ll be embarrassed.
– I am not the prize for a lot of men because of what I look like.
– It comes down to what I look like.
– Photos don’t do me any justice.

UM1:
C – J said, “You are the prize. Remember that.”
T – I am not the prize because of what I look like.
F – Depressed
A- Don’t date, don’t let men know I’m interested, stay away from online, don’t make eye contact, put attention on other areas of life, watch TV and live vicariously thru characters on screen
R – I don’t cultivate a sense of my own value. I believe that me dating or not depends on if others find me attractive.

UM2:
C – J said, “You are the prize. Remember that.”
T – I look repulsive to most men.
F – Sad
A- Don’t date, don’t let men know I’m interested, stay away from online, don’t make eye contact, put attention on other areas of life, watch TV and live vicariously thru characters on screen, don’t look for what I admire about my own looks, expect things won’t play out the way I want so don’t even try
R – I place so much value on an idea I have in my head about what others want and keep myself out of the dating experience.

UM3:
C – J said, “You are the prize. Remember that.”
T – That’s easy for white women to say b/c they’ve been put up on pedestals forever. Men don’t value women who look like me.
F – Perturbed
A- Suppress my interest or desire for someone b/c I assume they don’t like _____ women. I dislike white women.
R – I base my dating success on standards that have nothing to do with me. I give my power away to others.