Rage over laundry

Hi Brooke!

I have a blended family. My husband ,E asked about my son’s (W -21yo) laundry being in the washer and dryer. I immediately got enraged. I recognized it as emotional childhood and suppressed it a little. I felt like I could not control myself to walk away. I said things in a Tourette like manner. “I wish you liked W”. “ you are such a laundry natzi”. “Do you really want to fight over laundry” a few other things I could not recall.
After journaling , I think it boils down to me wanting to control how he feels about me and W. I don’t want him to question me about doing his laundry or have an opinion about me doing his laundry ( he thinks I enable him and handicap him). I think my violent outburst is a distraction. Get him to think about what he has said instead of the laundry .
In essense, my actions controlling his thoughts = opposite of people pleasing. I realize this is not possible and childish .
He has a right to think whatever he wants as I have a right to think and act as myself.
This is all so interesting.
I made his question about the laundry —“who is doing W’s laundry?”
Mean “I am not handicapping him nor am I enabling him. You are such an A-hole for even asking”
Emotion- rage and hostility
Action- child like tantrum
Result- our relationships suffers, I feel regret ful and out of control. I question my relationship with W. I go into momma bear mode to protect my cub……
Wow! Do you see this?
Can this be ???