Rainbows and Unicorn vs. Ass

Dear Brooke,
After a two-month honeymoon with SCS, the ass part is kicking in. I had a tutoring session with Suzy that clarified my belief that my husband is responsible for my emotional well being, despite years of work on my thoughts about him. Damn. In going after that, I re-watched the live coaching call with Whitney (?), the one with the deep-diving abuse work (with Starbucks music in the background.) My mind feels bent the way hers looked like it did. So, now I am here with this realization, which I see proof of all over the place, and I am scared. I’d like to say I don’t know what to do next, but I think I’m just scared to see whatever it is I know. If everything negative I feel isn’t his fault, then it’s mine (which I know is the good news) but it feels so scary and wrong and I want to run….fast….far….and make it all stop. I go to do thought downloads, my head spins with thoughts, and I don’t write them down. What is a helpful next step?
Thank you, thank you, thank you.