I’m one week into this and finding myself not very polished. When I am optimistic that my husband will make a change, I am happy, but we always seem to end up back at not enough forward action. He’s 2 years into sobriety and we’re 20 years into this marriage, so we have come a long way, but there are still a few challenges that get me some days, and today is one of those days. I know you say adults get to do what they want, but how do you handle agreements that are not followed when there are kids and a family unit involved? This is not something I would leave over and the kids don’t deserve to be drug into it, so the boundaries seem hard to define. I have always strived for a partnership in my marriage and pushed against the cultural stereotype that women should just do more. We make equal money, I take care of all the life management for the kids and plan my schedule to be available to take care of the kids after school. We have talked, listed, experimented and agreed on a number of plans to make it more equal, but are still stuck in this loop.

C not enough money

T My income potential is more limited because I am the one who has to be off by 3 to get kids, and I take on much of the life management, even after many conversations and agreements about who does what, so he should find a healthy, fulfilling way to make more money and provide more stability for our family.

F Happy that I get to be with kids. Frustrated that he makes 50% of what he used to, says he has bigger dreams but won’t take action (this has been going on for 4 years).

A: Doing money class at SCS together, did Dave Ramsey together, sometimes I’m happy and sometimes I’m pissed at the lack of progress

R I am angry about the lack of equality in our marriage and his refusal to act to help move us forward, and scared by the lack of money we have in savings.