RD doesn’t want to be bothered

I’ve struggled with underearning (not earning enough to cover all expenses with ease) for over a decade. I’ve been addressing this from different angles (therapy, 12 step groups, trauma healing, EMDR, personal and professional development teachers and courses, financial programs). I’ve been in scholars for 9 months.

Despite all this, my earning set point seems to be $2500 per month on average. I think this is a problem b/c despite all the inner growth and belief work over all these years, the external results haven’t changed much. What has changed is the line of work I do so I went from earning this much at work I hated to earning this much through means I’m passionate about. That’s a valuable transition that I do acknowledge. And more needs to happen.

Similar to the financials, I’ve also struggled to have a regular sex and romantic life and it manifests as going years at a time in between dating and sex, despite wanting it. I’m in my 40s.

I want to see concrete results in the form of 5-figure months and having a constant stream of partner(s) until I meet my person who I want to commit with for an extended period of time.

In my self coaching today I identified a voice called Recluse Destitution. We had a conversation. RD wants to be left alone and doesn’t want to be bothered.

C – Desires: Earn $100K as a coach + 45-day fun and pleasure containers with 3 lovers
T – I don’t want to be bothered.
F – Appalled
A – Take a day or more to respond to prospective dates, lose the momentum and be OK w the prospects losing interest. Indulge in admiring my Insta grid instead of meeting lots of people on social (everyday) and being helpful and making offers. Write marketing copy in such a way that leaves no room for people to interact/comment. Tell myself, “It’s not working. I’m cursed.”
R – $2300-$2500 monthly income. No dates nor sex.

RD told me they’re keeping me from quantum earnings and they’re also willing to stop taking up so much space. Right now I’m holding space for RD and my desires. I’m not fighting RD or trying to make RD go away. Concurrently I do feel urgency to change my money and sex life b/c experiencing such dearth is ridiculous. I want to enjoy and feel the luxury every day I can as I’m in the second half of my life.