Ok Brooke – this stuff is tough.

Here’s my unintentional model:
C: In grade 8 my mom told me I was a fat pig
T: This is why I didn’t have self-confidence all my life / am an emotional eater
F: Out of control
A: Eat (because it doesn’t matter anyway!)
R: Stay overweight, continue to feel bad about myself

SO I get that thinking about what my mom did (and I have about 20 other similar C line items) doesn’t serve me at all and has no bearing at all on me in the present day. So what I’d want my T line to be would be something along the lines of… T: My mom said and did a lot of things in the past that were hurtful at the time, but none of that matters now and my future is all within my control

I actually feel better thinking this (on this one event … only 19+ more to go) but not sure if it goes far enough – is it okay to look back and call something what it was (kinda crappy) as long as I keep it in the past OR is the very fact that I’m “Labeling” it as negative an issue? In a perfect world I could just have amnesia! 🙂

I could go further and rationalize my mom’s behavior – I truly believe that she tried to raise us the best she could and how she treated us was the result of a horrible childhood of her own (she has a history of horrible abuse) and being very young. She didn’t know any better. She’s a great mom / nana now and I have what I ultimately want in a relationship. I also became a stronger self-reliant kid as a result of this. It made me aim high.

The issue is that I don’t get any “peace” from thinking this. I really don’t want to spend time “justifying” what she did – I just want to move on. I’m really struggling with the work of “what story do you want to tell yourself about these events” – the answer in my mind is “nothing – I don’t want to think about them again” … but I’m guessing that’s not helpful.

Any guidance?
Trish