Hi Team Brooke,
I just came home from vacations with my husband. It was nice, but in a way also a bit disappointing to me: We didn’t do so many things together, everyone seemed to be a bit in their own world. I did some models on it and that was really helpful. But then, on our way back we found out, that he had booked the wrong tickets, he had accidently booked for the day before we departed – and we only realized that, when we wanted to check in. So the original (cheap) tickets were gone and we had to buy new ones for twice the price. What shocks me is, how I reacted: I shut down completely, didn’t want to talk (or even be) with him, plus I became verbally aggressive towards him. Although it’s silly having lost the money, it doesn’t really hurt us, AND we could simply book the new tickets and came home as planned. So why was I SO freaking out?
The model I found:
C: Husband bought wrong tickets
T: Here we go, the prove: He doesn’t even care enough to buy tickets with care (-> This relationship is not going to last)
E: Desperation, feeling helpless
R: Shut down/react verbally aggressive
C: the same
T: Shit happens. Good we’re able to simply buy new tickets
E: mild anger, even maybe amusement (that’s the 50% of the day…)
R: Having a nice trip back, talking with him
It really helped me to do the intentional model. My question to you is: What can I do to prevent such a thing to happen again? The problem is, I (over-) react in such a way every no and then. Not too often – but I simply don’t want that anymore, as Brooke says: There’s no upside. How can I enforce that sane inner voice, when such situations are happening very rarely (so glad they are!).