Realization and thoughts

I’ve been in Scholars for 5 months. Its been a wild ride ever since I’ve joined. At the very beginning I lost weight 15 lbs in 6 weeks and made the decision to quit one aspect of my business to grow another which has had tremendous flow and abundance. Since then I’ve been in the river of misery 50% of the time mixed with blowing my own mind the other 50%. I have also been stuck at 160 lbs — whenever I get under that # I feel relieved and then I sabotage by eating and drinking more (subconsciously to get back to 160.). I also do this with my business… I freak out a little and then spend half a day getting everything organized and managed… and then the rest of the day I just kind of float away — and choose to go unconscious. I feel comfortable and do not push myself to grow beyond what I’ve already created. Also I realized I am fueled by urgency instead of planning so I mostly get things to happen if they feel “on fire,” so to speak.

Today I noticed a correlation between my weight, my business AND my money. Its as though subconsciously I feel “comfortable” with mediocracy. I panic when the needle switches in the direction of “out of control” which is over 160lbs or feeling unorganized in my business/money…. For some reason I am holding onto my weight and status quo with money/business. I just went for a run and all of this came to the surface. Now that I am aware this is happening I am going to push the needle to the other side.

When I started scholars I realized such amazing changed right away… I was fueled by excitement and the newness of it all. But now that I am deep in, I realize the next 10 lbs are going to require a deeper kind of work. I feel like it was just last week that I started really processing my emotions and allowing them instead of going to booze and food or some other buffering. I still buffer but not as much. Right now I have my old models AND my new models running at the same time…. It feels very wild in my brain right now.

My question is… how do I flip the needle to the new model? My inclination is to notice both models and then take action from the new model to show my brain that that’s the new way of doing things….Is there anything else that I can be doing? Thanks in advance! I appreciate Scholars!