Realization I’ve been played

It’s been tense in my home with my husband. I’ve been very focused on growing my coaching business and he has his own business that he’d like me more involved in but we have very different styles in running businesses and I would prefer to walk away. He takes major offense to this and it’s one of the major reasons we fight.

So right now I find myself people pleasing to this pattern that has been going on for years that makes me feel played. It starts with the ask—I say “No, it’s your business.  You hire someone to do it if you can’t.”  He gets pissy and stays pissy and ices me out till I cave. Then when I cave he’s still salty like I have to work my way back into his good graces.

Now that I’ve really looked at this pattern and see myself people pleasing him I don’t want to continue this dance respectfully. So tonight he set me up to insult my cooking.  It was clear as day. This has probably been going on our whole relationship and I’m just seeing it now. I guess I’m trying to figure out what to do with how I feel. I’m super hurt to think he’s been playing mind games on me when I have not consciously done the same to him ever. When he lined up the insult to the cooking tonight I was super hurt by it. (Basically someone else made a sauce trying to copy my recipe so he asked what she did and what I did and said “I like hers better”)  Just trying to figure out how to coexist feeling a bit betrayed and naïve.