Realizing that giving myself time is important

I have been on the Take a Break program and have gone without drinking to numb for 40 days plus…not really counting any more as I am saying to myself that alcohol is insignificant. I signed up for this SCHOLARS program today and I am really excited as I have realized that I was depending on others to make me happy. I felt that happiness was something that my husband was supposed to do instead of me creating this in myself. We had a very big event happen in our marriage that was a breaking point and it was either we were going to get divorced or I was going to work on me. The break I took from alcohol helped me to see that I was using it to numb. I don’t miss it and I much more aware of my feelings and my thoughts now. I keep however getting frantic about events in the past that occurred and how I will handle myself in the future. We are a blended family of 8 adult kids and my husband told them all that he was 90 percent done and that it was all my fault. I know that this is not true and I have done the work around it however…I don’t know everything he told them. I did some stupid things while drinking and the shame and embarrassment is making me really nervous to see them again. At this point his kids do not want to see me and I find this hard. I feel judged and rejected. I have done models around this but I am feeling that I have sat with the models for 30 days and my intentional model is just too hard to believe. ” i want to show up as a confident woman who is proud of herself….” : “I am the captain of my soul” I am looking for some advice on how to move towards feeling better about myself when I move the model to a more realistic scenario….I still keep thinking the negative thoughts about how they will judge me. I know this is my work…but even with feeling the feelings it appears that I am struggling to feel better about myself and I supposed the way people will judge me. I know I don’t have any control about how others think but it keeps coming up and coming up.
Thanks so much.