When I’m only focused on my business I’m excited and I have energy. I go all in and I get things done. When I’m only with my toddler I can be really present and we don’t have a lot of toddler battles.

When I have meetings, projects, and work back to back and then I take care of her at the same time (Covid lockdowns/school breaks) or I take care of her before and after working, I have very little tolerance (mental and emotional bandwidth) for her not wanting to put on her shoes or yelling at me, or not wanting to go to bed. 99% of the time I don’t yell at her – I use the “no drama discipline” approach where you think about what you want to teach them, and then respond to them from that frame of mind, but sometimes I’m just a human who is frustrated!

She’s started saying things like “I don’t want you, I only want my dad” and it’s really hard to hear because he’s really checked out mentally to the point where he just lets her do whatever she wants when she’s at his house. She often comes back to me acting like she hasn’t been talked to or hugged for three days.

1. I’m not sure where to even start with feeling so overwhelmed trying to take care of her, not be frustrated/yell and also taking care of everything else. I don’t want to be frustrated when I’m with her or by her. I want to have the mental bandwidth to “see her” and not be frustrated, but with everything I’m doing, I don’t know how to create that space without taking time away from something else like dishes, laundry or my work.

2. I’m afraid that my boundaries, routines and parenting will push her away from me even though I do everything for her and provide her with a really healthy environment to be in that will serve her in the long run.

Model for #2:
C: My daughter gets mad at me when I parent and tells me she wants her dad because it’s a free for all at his house.

T: I really wish he would get it together and parent his kid. What if she grows up thinking I did it wrong even though I’m the one doing all of the work for her?

F: Anger. Sadness.

A: Hold boundaries but sometimes do it in frustration because I’m questioning it in the back of my mind and frustration because I feel like if he’d get his shit together she wouldn’t act out with me. 🙂

R: She pushes me away because I don’t feel good to her when I’m frustrated.

Did I do this right? I’m new to scholars 🙂