Do I REALLY want to stop drinking?

I am a scholar of 2 months but I can’t say I am wholeheartedly in it. I listen to alot of podcasts and have done some, not much, of the work. Everything pretty much makes sense to me, but putting it in practice is not happening.I keep putting it off. I just don’t think I am committed to stop drinking even though I see all the good things it would be for me. I struggle with allowing an urge vs willpower. If you have an urge and are uncomfortable, but don’t act on it how is that different from willpower? You say it is resisting rather than allowing I know. One thing that I know I do is allow feelings with alcohol that I don t allow without it, like resentment. Then I say or do things I am later sorry for. But the biggest thing I am struggling with is do I really WANT to stop drinking. Any advice is greatly appreciated.