Recognizing Old Thoughts I didn’t Know Where There

Doing the Oct. podcast homework today on #183, I wrote down the following model:

C – had the vibration of anxiety in my body yesterday
T – I need to slow down to re-center myself
F – motivated
A – took time today to slow down, rest, and recenter myself with TDL’s and podcasts and time with my kids
R – recentered and rested

This model felt great for a second, then my brain decided “I should want the T line to be: I don’t need to slow down to stay centered.” This opened up a flood of thoughts! If I’m not busy, pushing, doing then I’m not being productive. Slowing down isn’t productive. I won’t earn good things if I don’t push myself. Hard work is what it takes for me. I should be able to stay centered and grounded even without having to have quiet time to think. It feels lazy to slow down to keep my mental health in a good place. Other people don’t get this luxury, why should I give it to myself? I’ve just been lazy today and accomplished nothing. I have nothing to show for it……

These thoughts are such a part of me they don’t even feel like thoughts. They feel like truth…like it’s just the way I am.

Today’s SCS call with Brittany D. was so helpful with this – it’s like she was channeling the TDL i was in the middle of doing. Thinking that I have to kill myself trying to meet an arbitrary goal to be worthy and lovable is BS. I didn’t realize I was doing this until today. I will never allow myself to talk that way again. Now that I know I have a choice, I’m done letting that person control my life.

So my intentional model is:

C – experienced vibration of anxiety in my body yesterday.
T – The most productive thing I can do right now is to slow down and re-center myself
F – motivated
A – take the time to slow down and recenter myself, listen to a SCS call, ect.
R – am amazingly productive and re-centered in the life i want to create right now

Any additional input? Are these models complete? I have blind spots I can’t see….

thank you-thank you for the call today even though you are sick, and I hope you feel better! Meagan