As a coach, I truly believe you have to take 100% responsibility for your thoughts/feelings/actions. But as a divorced person, who is much happier, I am having trouble believing this entirely when it comes to marriage. Wondering if you can help?

I would not have considered myself an unhappy person when I was married, but I did feel unhappy married to him. We had intimacy issues. And simply put, me being me or me making overtures or being flirty, didn’t make him happy. While I understand that I am not responsible for his emotions nor should I expect him to change to fit my behavior, I found it impossible to connect while being “true to myself.” Looking back, I could have probably changed some of my behavior to make myself happier about his responses, but I truly didn’t and don’t see how we could have changed enough intimately to suit each other. So I left.

Looking back, I see that I could have not made his rebuffs mean anything about me and persevered. But, having a person that likes my overtures feels SO MUCH BETTER. So how do you reconcile that someone else doesn’t make you happier?? It makes it seem like that would mean that any partner is interchangeable with any other partner?? That doesn’t really seem possible. Is that really the message or am I missing something?