Reconciling other people’s feelings

Hi Brooke,
Re: blame. I totally get all of it intellectually – I cannot hold other people accountable for how I feel (and I don’t want to give those people control over my emotions anyway). Totally make sense.

Here’s what I have real trouble with: what do you do with the junk that comes up when you’ve held someone responsible and they feel angry, hurt, betrayed (insert whatever emotion here). How do you reconcile that in your head? I don’t like for people to feel hurt or angry or upset, AND it’s a natural outcome of holding people accountable for their behavior.

I teach a college class that focuses on personal development & growth mindset, and a version of your work (personal responsibility, self management, managing our thoughts, etc.) is at the core of it. When they question this aspect (i.e. I have someone who is responsible for something terrible in my life, and when I hold them accountable, they are pissed off and I don’t want them to be pissed off…etc.) I have trouble teaching them how to deal with that aspect.

I mean, ultimately, do you just train yourself not to care about the bullshit story they are telling or whatever they are feeling?