Hello Coaches, I feel that I have regressed this past weekend. When I was growing up my mom was dealing with mental illness and emotional problems. As a result she was abusive to me. I didn’t know that her behavior wasn’t normal because as a small child that was all I knew. Now that I am an adult I can see what I couldn’t see as a kid…. she would threaten to pour boiling water on me or tell me she wanted to abort me… things of that nature. She had crazy mood shifts and was often scary to me as a kid. This past weekend my dad came to visit (my parents are divorced but still have a relationship where they can be friends). My parents were both together and my sister was around. I feel very uncomfortable around my mom but I can handle it usually. But with my dad and sister around plus lack of sleep I snapped back to how I felt as a kid– more of a teenager– where I felt disdain for my mother’s presence. I could not hide my negative energy. I don’t want her to be around me or try to love me or do any of the manipulative things she does to control me and my sister. My sister has recently lifted a ban she had on mom with being allowed to see her grandkids. My mom has paranoid personality disorder and was on the verge of calling CPS because she made up that my niece and nephew were being abused. Anyway, yesterday there was a family lunch with my dad, mom, sister with her kids and my husband and aunt. Everyone was acting fine except for me. I was quiet, feeling all sorts of negative emotions and making it weird for everyone because I was so uncomfortable. When mom left I snapped back to normal. Then later in the evening my dad brought up that My sister and I have been “punishing” my mom. This brought me back to how I feel my dad saw my mom abusing me but did nothing to stop or address it. I got angry and told dad I was very upset he said that. I did not do it in a kind way. He got very mad in response and left. Anyway, writing this out make me feel like there’s all this horrible drama in our family and I have completely regressed into an emotional child. I am feeling horrible about my behavior and I question any progress I have made in scholars because of how I acted. I was abused by my mother. No one acknowledged it (oddly except for her). And now I am acting like a child. How do I rewrite my painful abuse story? How do I move forward?