I’ve been speaking online to a man who I’ve never met but we have mutual friends.
We really hit it off, after about a week we knew we liked each other, he’s told me a number of times he really likes me and is attracted to me, and we got on so well and have lots in common. I was slightly concerned he was dating someone as there were a couple of pics of a beautiful woman on his Instagram account.
I didn’t want to ask him because I didn’t want him to tell me he was in a relationship, so I put it off. Technically he hadn’t over stepped the mark, we have just been chatting online a lot.
I asked him if he was in a relationship in an indirect way and I didn’t get an answer. Then a few days later I just came out and asked him if he was in a relationship. He was very unclear. He said he’s living with someone, but they’re not really together anymore and once COVID is over she’ll be moving out.
So as we talked more I just felt like he hadn’t properly answered me, so I outright asked him. Again, he was unclear, but said they’re getting through the next few weeks as it clearly isn’t working, but they ‘seemed to agree.’ To me that wasn’t a solid ‘we are together’ or’ we are splitting up.’
Based on this I said I was I didn’t think I should continue messaging him for now, as we talk all the time and it seems as if things were undecided between him and his partner. I don’t think it’s right.
I thought things were okay and he understood, but I noticed he unfollowed me on social media straight away. This sounds so petty, but it cut pretty deep. I thought we would still be friends, but just not talk all the time like we had been. I also thought he would be in touch when (if) the girlfriend moves out. My thought about his unfollow action was ‘those few weeks meant nothing.’
I keep having a few unhelpful thoughts:
– ‘you shouldn’t have done the “right” thing, you were having fun for once and now you have no one’
– ‘you won’t meet anyone else around here like that, you messed it up’
– ‘you shouldn’t have pretended to have morals’
I ended up becoming involved (again just messaging and talking) with someone who had a wife a couple of years ago. He also didn’t lie, but failed to mention his relationship. I felt awful all the time and I struggled to walk away from that. I’m beginning to think there’s something about me that says I’m fine for a fling or as a bit on the side? I’m just feeling alone and unsure of myself.