Hello Brooke,

Firstly thank you so much for your program it has helped me in so many ways already and I’m dedicated to continuing my work with scholars in order to become a better version of me.

I want to put something out there that I have a lot of fear, shame and self-hatred about. I can hardly bare to think of it myself in its raw truth without feeling those feelings and I have never spoken aloud to anyone the full truth of my situation so thought I would do two things…dare myself to be brutally honest and ask for some help as to how I can use the model to guide me to clarity.

I have been with my high school sweetheart for 17 years, we are married and have a young son together. About 5 years ago during a period when I was feeling very unloved I fell in love with a co-worker and he with I (at the time he was in a similar situation). We have continued our relationship on and off for the past 5 years in which time I got married and had a baby. He wants me to understandably commit to him as he is tired of hiding and so am I – it was easy to maintain our relationship as my husband worked away for work for weeks at time very regularly. My life long dream has always been to have a happy family…Mum, Dad and children (not step mums and dads) but this other man’s happiness and love is what I would like in my life on a daily basis. I’m scared to finally leave my husband even though we have been talking about seperating for some time now because I’m scared of hurting him (even though I am he doesn’t know it) and scared of fucking my sons life up (based on my own parents who hated each other). I am tired of not knowing what to do or what the right decision is or why I even chose this path for myself when it goes against my values. I don’t know if the man I’m married to is the one for me and I’m not trying hard enough or if I’m married to the idea of him, if the man who is my lover is the one for me and I’m too afraid to commit to him but afraid of wasting his time. Some models;

C – Dual relationship
T – Don’t know what to do
F – Exhausted
A – Make no decisions
R – No resolution

C – Dual relationship
T – What if I regret leaving my husband / have I given it enough / can we make it work?
F – Scared
A – Avoid making a decision
R – No resolution

C – Dual relationship
T – What if I lose my lover / can I live with that / can we make it work?
F – Scared
A – Avoid making a decision
R – No resolution

I know I have to make a decision BUT how do I decide which is the best path for me….

Thank you for letting me be honest here even if there is judgement from others it is my truth.