Hi, I’d like some coaching detangling all my thoughts and feelings about this situation. On Saturday my husband said that if I and our 2 sons didn’t go with him to our summer house to see his sister, he would stop doing so much for us and that he would cut most of his support. He followed through by disconnecting my son’s phone, turning off their credit cards, and doesn’t want to carpool anymore them to soccer.
I feel angry and frustrated about the soccer logistics because when he signed up our son to this soccer club I expressed my disagreement saying I couldn’t help bring him to practices and he said he’d figure it out with other parents. I reminded him of this and he said “Well too bad then, Gabriel won’t go to soccer or you find him another club.”
C: Husband texted me “make sure you coordinate soccer logistics from now on”
T: he’s so unreliable, this was his responsibility.
F: angry – frustrated
A: I curse him in my head. I let the other parent know that I didn’t know about the carpooling arrangements and that I’m sorry they got impacted by him bailing out. I try to find options / I take it on me so that my son can still go to soccer. I don’t let my husband assume responsibility. I don’t follow through on what I had said that I wouldn’t take care of these logistics.
R: I take on his responsibility. I create the experience where it’s my responsibility. I don’t take responsibility for what I had originally said.
I see the drama really comes from me not wanting to hurt my son. I could follow through on my original word that I wouldn’t help with the logistics. It seems that it’s between letting myself down or letting my son down, and that my husband is off the hook of his responsibility. Any blind spots that I don’t see?