Relationship communication


I wonder how to express myself here.
My goal actually is to work on my business but I am having so many fight with my partner, that I need to ask some questions about that.

I‘d like to change my thoughts but it feels like there is so much going on that I don‘t know where to start.

I think my main problem is how upset I get when he is angry at me. He raises his voice and talks to me about me and the things I do wrong (always).

I get angry, upset and sad.

I think my main thought is that he should not talk to me like that. I wish he was different. I wish he would communicate better. I wish he had more empathy. I wish he could just talk calmly. Basically what I make a problem is the raised voice. This is something that just makes me want to cry instantly and then I think I don‘t deserve to get treated like this.

I can see all the thoughts that cause my upset. How ever I don‘t know what to chose instead.
I don‘t even know how I want to react. Should I be calm and loving, although I don‘t want to get treated like that? That just would reinforce him acting like that.
Should I be indifferent and just end be conversation? That just might make him more mad. And I‘m scared I develop this kind of indifference in every area of our relationship. I did that with my ex. „His anger is not my anger.“ I broke up with him 1 year later.
I‘m honestly wondering if I should get a relationship coach or a self love coach? Do I not love myself enough? He tells me I should be fine with what he‘s doing and I have a self-love and worth problem. I feel like I am fine and don‘t doubt myself, but I also want him to love me and be nice to me.
What can I do?

I also wonder if a joined communication training/coaching makes sense…I‘d love to do that, but that is the opposite of changing my thoughts…it‘s to change the way we communicate.