Relationship conflict


Hi Coaches,

I could use some help with my model below. I’m definitely not getting results that I want. Ideally, I’d like to work through things with my partner. However, I’ve tried a few times throughout the past few days, and, instead of moving forward, I feel more frustrated and anxious. My partner is someone with incredible depth. He also can, and has been, communicating in a style that I perceive as defensive/aggressive and that triggers anxiety for me.

C: Partner and I had a conflict 3 days ago. We are presently not speaking.
T: Every time I try to connect, it gets worse.
F: Frustrated
A: Ruminate, sleep
R: No resolution. Question the health of and my interest in the relationship.

C: Partner and I had a conflict 3 days ago. We are presently not speaking.
T: It’s challenging for me to live my life with this going on.
F: Frustrated
A: Label the interaction as toxic in my mind; engage in cycle of trying to talk about it, getting triggered, shutting down.
R: Low energy and feeling stuck.

I feel so “in it” and truly dislike living reactively. I would love to find a way to create different results. Do you have thoughts for me? Thank you!