Relationship Difficulties

I have been spinning for days now in the A line about my relationship. I must think there’s a right or wrong action or decision. We have been fighting a lot. We seem to have different viewpoints on many different things. I have reached points where I managed my mind about that being okay. Mostly we argue about arguing. He reacts from his emotions and will be passive aggressive, assume things, push me to communicate when I don’t want to. I really don’t like this. I think it’s very unfair. It’s also a dynamic similar to my Mom so it has a charged story behind it. I have worked really hard to learn not to react from the emotions and still be able to communicate clearly when having them or to take space to manage my mind about them. He interprets this as ignoring or dismissive. We fight a lot to be right, who did what. It goes in circles. I don’t think I am perfect and I start to spin when I can see that yes it is possible I have acted the ways he is right now. So I should have compassion. That it is connected to the fact that he is emotional so he is very generous and expressive. I have worked hard to see that it’s possible someone may see his emotional reactivity during conflict in a more positive light. So should I manage my mind to get there? Do I want to be a person who thinks that’s ok? One part says NO because it isn’t emotionally mature, fair or kind. The other says, it shouldn’t matter if you have a managed mind. It seems like since I have worked on seeing the other sides to coins in life (not just the highway my brain goes down, but the option that is filled with shrubbery that would be difficult but it’s possible) I don’t know how to choose a way since I can acknowledge them both. But I also think “Is it supposed to be this hard? It’s only been a few months.” Our views differ a lot in that he is objective about things and I am subjective. Am I just idealizing having a partner who has a Thought Work type approach to life and that’s unrealistic? The other day I worked hard to hear his perspective on an issue I didn’t agree with where he was coming from. I still don’t. But I let it go. Because it’s his opinion. I then wanted to express to him how not okay it is when he reacts passive aggressively or even aggressively when I am simply asking questions to understand better. I’ve told him this in the past and he agreed, it wasn’t helpful. But we still always end up in that same dynamic. This didn’t go well, he didn’t listen and I got frustrated and said I was done with the relationship. Now I am deeply sad. But I also don’t want to keep fighting, I’m lost and spinning.