relationship ending

I have recently been broken up with. The reasons things ended I think were very unfair, jarring, and dramatic. There was a lot of blame, attempts at manipulation, misunderstanding, name calling, and yelling. I believe he reacted irrationally, jumped to conclusions, and didn’t take pause to think or act how he truly wanted to.

I want to be together. He does not.
(Side note: Why do I want to be with someone who reacted irrationally, is dramatic, and who yells in my face and calls me names? Why do I want to be with someone who does not want to be with me? My rose colored glasses seem to have me emotionally ignoring all the boundaries my higher self would like for me to honor.)

Why do I continue to torture myself with the thought “this relationship is unfinished”? I seem to be giving him all my power because the only thing I desire every minute of every damn day is for him to reach out, reconsider, and to make an offer of reconciliation. Yikes!! As a result, I really DO feel very very powerless and not in control.

I want my power back by changing him and the circumstance rather than changing my thoughts, even though I know (intellectually) it’s impossible to change him and his free will. I’m being very stubborn with this!

I want to accept that this chapter is indeed finished. Holding onto hope that he will change his mind seems to hurt more than help, yet, a part of me is afraid to fully let him go.