I met a guy in the beginning of June. We were on the same project for a week. We connected so well that our friendship became something more. Now it’s been a month since we haven’t seen each other.
During the month my old guy patterns appeared.
A lot has happened. We decided to be friends for now.
Right now whenever I talk with him I only decide on the negative. I see I am looping.
What I want? – to talk with him in a free way aka whenever I want, I do it without hesitation.
First thing is that my old pattern comes in:
Thoughts – I’m not important, he doesn’t care about me -> I’m not cared for, he doesn’t have time for me -> I’m not worth his time
Feelings – small, closed in
Action – I don’t express myself at all
Result – I’m making myself not important by the way I’m treating myself. This has nothing to do with the person. S(he) hasn’t even done anything. This is me. What I’m doing is creating space to not be cared for = my thought makes sure of that.
If I don’t talk, how can anyone know or do anything. It’s like expecting an apple to fall on my hand without going under the tree and reaching for it.
But since it’s my belief, I’m blinded by it.
Today I expressed it. I didn’t block myself. But still, I continued with lacks.
Circumstance – reading hes answers
Thoughts – he didn’t answer like I thought he would with a lot of enthusiasm, bc this is hard for me and I don’t feel his support, I don’t feel our communication here is what I want from a person who I talk with bc its hard and I don’t want to do it anymore, it’s still unstable and going up and down, bc I don’t know what I want, I need to make a decision. We’re friends – what does it mean to me? That he’s my true friend, who supports me every day, I think I expect too much from him that he can or wants to give. but what am I giving? am I giving less than I want to receive? why do I want to receive it? Does this come from a lack? how can I communicate with him through abundance?