Relationship manual question


C: Dave says he has been tossing and turning all night but doesn’t wanna talk about it
T: He is upset because I was honest with him about something he does that I don’t like
F: resentful, annoyed
A: I ask him if he wants to talk, I tell myself stories about what he’s thinking, I feel bad because he probably wants to talk about it, I don’t know what to say without him getting upset or thinking that I’m cold. I withdraw. I act like I am open for discussion, but truthfully I am annoyed.
R: I am not honest with him, And I am not ok with the way I honestly feel

C: Dave says he has been tossing and turning all night but doesn’t wanna talk about it
T: This attention seeking behavior is a huge turn off
F: repulsed
A: I judge him, I pull away, I think about the things I don’t like about him, I think that I can do better, I appear to be open but truly I am feeling repulsed, I am condescending in my thoughts about him
R: I am turned off by my own inauthenticity, and I create more feelings of repulsion

For these first two models, they feel pretty clear to me. They are for a guy that I have only been dating a month or two, and clearly I’m not really feeling it. There are other things he brings to the table that I do like, but I am afraid that I don’t feel the way I want to about him, and part of me believes that I could do better.

I want to feel in love. I want to feel confident that he’s my person, and I currently don’t have thoughts that makes me feel that way. I feel like since he has such good other stuff to offer, that I should just be happy. This is good enough, be happy. But I keep on having thoughts (in the form of images) of the future of me leaving him at the altar, or panicking if you were to ask me to marry him, or wanting a divorce. Obviously these are pretty far in the future, but I don’t want to have those thoughts about somebody I want to be with.

Part of me thinks my desire for a true or a deeper connection is 100% valid. Another part thinks I should just suck it up and find a way to be happy with this guy because he offers so many other good things, part of which are financial – which makes me feel secure, since my income is unsteady at times. Then I judge myself pretty harshly for this.

C: Dave makes over $1m a year
T: I can figure out a way to be happy with him
F: curious
A: I do thought work to make myself happy, I look at the positives, but then I get super annoyed by him and turned off, I don’t want to have sex with him, but I fantasize about our nice dinners and getting dressed up, I fantasize about us on the beach on vacation, I fantasize about how it could be if we grew a business together, I fantasize about how nice our house would be, I do a lot of fantasizing
R: I find a way to feel good about him in my mind

I’m feeling kind of messed up about this situation. If money were no object and I were independently wealthy would I date him? No. No I wouldn’t.

But I keep telling myself to “just give it another try, maybe he IS for me and he just has to grow on me.”

C: Dave
T: maybe he IS for me and he just has to grow on me
F: optimistic
A: keep seeing him, but also keep finding more and more things I don’t like and do like about him
R: I spend more time in this relationship

I think I’m kind of indulging in self doubt, confusion, and indecision (exactly what I’m doing in my business too).

I want to feel certain, clear and confident.

T: I don’t know if he’s right for me but I’m not sure, maybe I’m being too picky (f: self-doubt)

T: I don’t know how to know for sure if he’s right for me or not (f: confusion)

T: I can be open to him, but I don’t want to feel this way, but I should try to be open to him, but I don’t want to feel this way (f: indecision)

Ahhh! In all of the mini models my action is “do nothing, status quo” and my result is more confusion, indecision and self doubt.

How to emerge from this??