Relationship of circumstances and feelings


To say that it’s always thoughts that connect circumstances to feelings feels like magical thinking to me. Some circumstances are sad, e.g., losses. Some circumstances are more fun than others, creating laughter and a sense of well-being. To say that I can think my way into thinking they are something they do not feel like “alternative facts” and magical thinking. I seem to be missing the point somehow. Can you please help explain?

This came up in a 20-minute coaching session where I was grieving the loss of my women’s chorus during covid. I find the chorus life-giving–fun–time that takes me outside of myself and into the music–time creating something beautiful with lovely women. The coach said I am turning responsibility for my feelings over to the circumstance. But the chorus simply is more fun than being home alone. I DO get more joy from group singing.

What am I missing about the SCS model to clarify the distinction?