Relationship question

I am struggling with extremely negative thoughts about my daughter in law and son. I am blaming both of them (mostly her) for the situation which is they have gone no-contact and forbid me and my whole family to see the grandkids. It’s been almost 3 years and both my mother and father aren’t getting any younger. I’m afraid they will die before ever getting to see their great grandkids again. Besides that sad point, I hate my daughter in law for many other reasons. She is verbally abusive to my son and to the children. She is a liar and narcissistic.

I know that my blame puts me into victim mode and its not serving me. I want to get out of that. I want to allow my daughter in law to be who she is and love her no matter what. I just can’t seem to find a bridge thought that is believable.

Here is my unintentional model C=daughter in law (this circumstance for me is very charged) T=she is evil. I hate her. she is keeping me from my son and grandkids. F=angry. A=bash her to family and friends. Don’t try to contact them. Ruminate over and over about not being a part of my grandchildren’s lives. R=Not in my grandkids life.

Can you help me with an intentional model?