Relationship Question


I feel like the person who wrote in ahead of me already asked the question I was planning to post, which is awesome! The coach suggested, “How do you want to show up when your partner behaves in the way that he does? His actions are your circumstance and it’s totally up to you what you make of it.” Can you say more about this?

In my situation, the circumstances my boyfriend presents to me are:
– Not talking to me for a whole day except 1 word answers
– Shakes his head and walks away (I think he does this when he doesn’t agree with something I’m doing but he doesn’t give any explanation)
– Does not show affection (no physical touch at all unless I instigate it)
– In a week smiles 1-2 times tops. Usually walks around with a neutral or slightly frowned expression.
– When in a social situation with other people, smiles frequently and gets very animated and talkative. I see none of this behavior at home when it’s just the 2 of us.

Long story short, there are enough good qualities in him and our relationship is foundationally built on love, trust, loyalty, and stability and I don’t really want to end it for a number of reasons. I have made peace with knowing this relationship will never look like what I thought my dream relationship would be like.

What can I choose to think when he does all of the C line behaviors above? I would like to choose something that makes me feel neutral or happy about myself and my situation. Relief, calm, acceptance, peace, and love are all feelings I would like to feel (instead of what I currently feel which is insecurity, sadness, fear, inadequate, etc.) Any help would be appreciated. Thank you!