I understand that our thoughts creating our feelings – not our relationships. And that we should be happy before we leave a relationship. Totally on board with that, I believe my alignment/happiness comes from within, always.

However, I am getting stuck in a lot of self-doubt about my relationship. If both options (leaving/staying) were perfect and divine, or I met my husband for the first time today, I would not choose to be with him – there is nothing wrong per se, we are just not the highest compatibility. I have certain desires or values that he is not a match for, that really matter to me. And I totally respect he is entitled to be himself, and my job is to love him for him, not to change him.

But then I get into deep self-doubt and think “If we can be happy with anyone, I should just settle and make this relationship work. It’s certaintly fine enough. We’re both kind people. etc”. And so I talk myself out of what I want, I don’t trust myself and my wants.

My question is – Is it okay to have desires/values for what you prefer in a partner, or is this crossing over into expecting others to make you happy? Why not just date anyone, if you are your own source of happiness? How does that concept reconcile with finding someone you genuinely want to be with and are compatible with, connect with, have shared values with, etc? Thank you so much. 🙂