Hi Brooke

I am trying to work out what I think might be a boundary issue with my boyfriend. We are around 50 and I have been seeing him since oct . He is a lovely caring person who I get along with really well and I am attracted to him. When I first met him I had back problems and had to have surgery and he was so incredibly kind and supportive. He is very loving and good natured and fun as well. He also absolutely adores me. The problem is that he doesn’t take care of his health at all and is very sedentary in terms of the things he likes to do in his spare time. Basically it’s watching movies and sport and eating. He has no interests in life beyond that. As a result he has severe undignoesed sleep apnea (I have encouraged him to go get this checked by a dr but he’s avoiding it, and I don’t police other people about their health, it’s his decision to eat what he likes and to see the doctor or not) and is probably morbidly obese technically speaking. I don’t mind wearing ear plugs to bed because of the snoring and I am fine with him eating whatever he wants, he is fine with me eating salads and being healthy. My issue is that I want to do more with my life in terms of activities and he doesn’t enjoy these at all and the real issue is that I don’t want to care for someone who has had a stroke. This is a real concern for me as if you look in his fridge at his place it’s like a heart society ‘don’t’s poster! Literally it’s marbled meat, butter, cream, cheese, icecream bacon and eggs with maybe some tomatoes. Mine looks like rabbit food by comparsion ha! I am a vegan version of you. Whole foods, salads and grains and tofu. We laugh about the differences but he’s not really interested in changing because he says he’s Jewish and the Jewish love their food. I’m not here to stop people from living how they want to live but we are 50 and I honestly see a future where his health declines and I end up caring for him if we move in together. At this point, I feel myself pulling away from him because I want to be enjoying my health more and being more active. Writing this I can see that I probably need to have a discussion with him about this and just lay it all out there. I am not going to be in a relationship with someone who’s health is bad at 50 when I want to have a long term relationship. What do you think?
Thanks!