As I do the relationship work, and listen to the podcasts, I keep bumping up against a thought that results in a really painful feeling: could I have changed my thoughts and saved my marriage/family? I recently divorced which was the last thing I wanted for myself and my family. I fought hard for my family for a long time, but ultimately believed that the only option was to divorce. The process and the divorce fall-out for both myself and my daughter – painful, sad, hard, and not what I wanted for our lives. So, what I hear when I listen to Brooke, and read, etc., is that if I had changed my thoughts, then my feelings would have been different, and perhaps my marriage would not have ended in divorce. When I listen to Brooke I find myself physically uncomfortable because I think/wonder if divorce was not necessary, and that it was my negative thoughts that possibly lead to the divorce, and so the divorce is on me. And wow, does THAT thought hurt. I could have changed my thoughts and my family would be intact?
And the secondary piece of all of this that I do not understand: is Brooke saying we could be happy with ANY one if my thoughts about that person were positive and I focused on my own happiness? Ugh super confused and stuck on this topic. Thanks.