Relationship Resistance

I love the model and am trying to use it as best as I can. I joined scholars as I have this on going issue that I need help with.

I have recently split from my on/off partner and we have had talks about whether we can sort things out – I am working on my negative thoughts and actions so we have a better results within the relationship as I know I have been creating a lot of my own pain with my thoughts about him. The model has helped me see this clearly.

He however, is totally resistant to taking any responsibility for his own thoughts and actions and blames me for (he told me this) why we broke up (and many other negative aspects for the relationship).

He says he doesnt know what he wants.

I know I want to try.

I can’t force him into action and can only control my own. But I feel I am in limbo while he makes up his mind.

He says I am intellectualising everything and making excuses (when I explain my thoughts) . He feels I am not changing (he is not seeing me do the things he wants). But I feel I am trying to take on board what he has said and try to change my reactions and thoughts.

The result/goal I want is a healed relationship.

My actions are to try and improve my own thoughts and actions – meet him with empathy and non judgement in the hope we fall in love again. Because right now I don’t feel love. But his reactions to me are so negative and pessimistic, that I am fighting my own negative thoughts.

I have tried to leave out as much unnecessary detail as possible, so apologies for the robotic text! If you need more detail I will expand.