Hi there,

I am really annoyed by the overall behavior of a friend. I understand that it’s my thoughts that create that feeling, that it is not her.
I wanted to feel compassionate about her. I have been curious about why she would say this or that, or why she would act a certain way. I came up with a more understanding look at first, but now… it’s all judgment.

It feels like compassion is justifying her behavior and I don’t agree with that.

To take a real example:

C: Friend X says something.
T: She is a princess.
F: Annoyed.
A: Overthinking, finding evidence that she acts like a princess, can’t focus on other friends.
R: I don’t appreciate her for who she is and how she shows up in this world. I don’t accept her whole self.

After curious attitude:
C: Friend X says something.
T: She has always been treated like a princess by people around her, she is stuck in that role, she can’t be herself.
F: Compassionate.
A: Listen more, give her more space, not reacting to what she says, allowing her to act as she wants no matter what.
R: I treat her like a princess.

It is definitely not the result that I want!

I am having other thoughts. I don’t care if she has been treated like a princess by others: it doesn’t entitle her to be mean for example. It feels like compassion is justifying her behavior. Where do I go from there?

Thanks for your help 🙂