My daughter is 22 and we visit from time to time when she is home from college. She has a tendency to be very short and easily annoyed with me to a level that would be considered rude by most rational people. I realize these could be considered thoughts about her behavior, however, I think most people in this situation would agree that her treatment of me is inappropriate at best. I am a single mom and have put her through college by myself.

My question is this: How is her behavior a thought and not circumstance? Also, when she is behaving badly, isn’t it my job to call her out and help her remember what appropriate treatment toward her mother is? Otherwise, am I not being a doormat? How do I spend time with her and be respected by her?

Here are some models:

C: Daughter is rude
T: Why is my daughter so rude?
F: Hurt, discouraged
A: Buffer! overeat, overdrink
R: Gain weight, feel terrible

C: Daughter is rude
T: She is still growing and maturing
F: Compassion
A: Less buffering? (But I still find it hard to spend time with her)
R: More connected

C: Daughter is disrespectful
T: My daughter is rude and disrespectful
F: Disrespected, hurt
A: Buffer
R: Gain weight feel terrible

C: Daughter disrespectful and rude
T: I hope she learns appropriate behavior someday
F: Less hurt but disconnected from her
A: Less buffering but not none
R: Still gain weight but maybe not as much