The coach call last week with a participant on her relationship with her brother made me think again about the one I’ve with my mother. As a child she told me she rather didn’t have had me, nor my sister. Many other words, that I felt as painful, were spoken during many years.
To make a long story short. I’ve been in therapy, and all I tried to have a better relationship with her helped me a bit. Only in the last years I’m able to feel compassion for her, and that feels so much better. Our relationship is one of not much contact. I used to feel guilty about that a lot. I had an idea how often I should see her (compared myself with friends relationships with their mom). Now I’m okay with seeing her once a year when I’m in my native country for many other visits. And still… when my husband calls his mother I still think “I should call her also once in a while”, then I feel guilty and it makes me consider again my approach to her. I tell myself that my relationship with her is my choice and no one else.
I’m proud that I’ve come so far, but I feel that something is still missing. I accept it is as it is, but sometimes I feel sad because I don’t have had, and have, what I wanted and want.
I understand that my relationship with her has nothing to do with her actions in any way. My relationship with her is in my head.
I understand that I have had the perfect childhood for the life I live.
Knowing all that. Is this feeling of sadness part of the 50%? I wouldn’t like to feel happy about a mother that behaved as she did. I feel compassion since I understand her past and the why she did what she did. This doesn’t make it less sad.
C. Relationship mother
T. She did what she could
A. I love her from a distance and have contact with her when I really want to
R. An honest connection
Will you give feedback? I’m curious to know what else I can think that makes my (much better) relationship even deeper.