I work in a group of 8 doctors. When I started working there, 4 years ago as a resident (for one year), I was working more closely with one colleague. She was supposed to teach me to be able to help her and provide backup for surgeries no other people in the department do. Though she taught me a lot, I do feel she did hold back a little not to become replaced. She’s 20 years older than me but we have a lot of similar interests outside work and really had an amicable relationship in the beginning. As covid hit or as I got to know her better, I have noticed at different points that she is not always behaving as an emotional adult and I have been on the receiving end of really complicated work-related stuff that she no longer wanted to deal with. Initially we found comfort in venting about things that don’t go well in the hospital. At a certain point, I felt trapped in this negative cycle of complaining and have withdrawn somewhat. We have had some talks about it where I expressed that the negativity did influence me a lot and that I didn’t like it. But when sometimes trying to reconnect it swiftly goes back to hearing about how bad every situation is for her. I feel unsure how to handle the situation, In a way, I miss our friendship and I know she should not have to follow my manual but I don’t want to be walked over. And I do see her a lot and there’s an uncomfortable vibe hanging between us right now.

Unintentional model
C Colleague
T She’s not good for me
F self-protective
A withdraw from the relationship, feeling more at ease when she’s not around, judging, connecting more with other people, finding evidence in her ‘bad’ behavior, not starting a conversation, avoiding
R we don’t have a close relationship anymore and thus not learning from her anymore

Alternative 1
C Colleague
T She always gets me in annoying situations
F angry
A withdraw from the relationship, not wanting to invest in it, not wanting to be walked over
R we don’t have a close relationship anymore

Alternative 2
C Colleague
T She should behave better
F judgmental/frustrated
A withdraw from the relationship, judge her, not engaging in conversations
R we don’t have a close relationship anymore

Intentional
C Colleague
T She is who she is
F accepting
A small talk, try to have fun again, speak up if something is important to me, accepting the 50:50, stop hiding/avoiding
R we have a relationship

Do you have any thoughts about these models? Am I missing something?
Do you have more tips for my action line in the intentional model? How can I rebuild without losing myself again?