Relationship Work – AGAIN!


Hello!
I have been working on a relationship issue for the past 11 months. I did the work in the month of relationships, worked on it with a 6 pack session with the lovely Lisa as well. I decided to host Thanksgiving for my family. I had originally planned to go away to a cabin with my husband and children and the day I booked the cabin my parents told me they were coming for Thanksgiving. As I am writing this my thoughts are my parents just booked their tickets without even calling and asking me what my plans were. They just assumed I’d be thrilled. I told my dad that we had booked a cabin and he said go! we will see you when you get back! My kids on the other hand really just wanted to stay home and see their grandparents. I decided to just go all in and host the Thanksgiving with the grandparents and two of my siblings and their families. All went well! We had fun enjoyed the day! They stayed and the togetherness went on from Wednesday to Sunday. I was fine until Saturday and then the old super evil vile thoughts started creeping in. I realize now that I was resisting them and by Sunday night completely exploded! I feel like I am still muscling my way through family events and “dodging the bullet”! I truly just want to love all of them for who they are. I felt like I did for the first 2 days. I felt the love in my heart and really enjoyed the days. Then I’m just done. I’m eating and if I drank I’d be sauced! It is so incredibly painful for me! Here are my thoughts.
My family is slow. Like socially not all there.
They are self-absorbed and clueless!
They love to point out all of my faults but can’t take the tiniest bit of criticism back!
They are not who I want to be with for more than a few hours!

I have been wanting to just love them unconditionally. But as I write this maybe I don’t! Maybe I really just only want to see them for a few hours a year! I think two conflicting thoughts, I want to be loved and love them and I want them to just be different people! My kids adore them and love to be with them and I just sit in the corner and do massive thought work! I’m done with the day and I feel like I just ran the Ironman mentally and emotionally. I’m at the point that I’ve done enough thought work and I’ve decided that if I do decide to be with family I will tell them exactly the rules, offend them all, and hopefully they will change or they will just no longer be a part of my life!

I really thought that by a year in SCS I’d be a little more advanced! I just do not prefer to be with them, and I feel guilty because I feel like I should want to. There it is! I feel awful because I really don’t have much in common with my sisters and I want to! But my thoughts are you are really just mentally simple! So painful!

Any help would be amazing!
Thank you!!