Hi, I would love some support and hindsight about this situation.
Fight with husband on Saturday – he acts the same as prior fights – he leaves/doesn’t talk for a few days. This morning I decide to stop ignoring him and say “have a good day – love you”
C: He replies “oh, you’re trying to be nice now”
T: Here we go again, he takes this as a sign that I recognize I’m the one who’s in the wrong and needs to be forgiven.
A: I don’t answer, I leave for work. I berate myself for repeating the same MO when we’re in this situation. I get angrier at him for thinking he’s right and I’m the one who acted badly. I have a hard time staying nice and revert to ignoring / being short with him
R: I keep doing the same as before. I create the experience that it’s always the same. I keep thinking he’s doing it wrong.
Intentional model: (I started with R line)
T: He gets to think what he wants about me
A: I don’t react – I process my emotions – I keep acting cordially.
R: I’m willing to have him be wrong about me (what I really want is for him to recognize he had his part of wrong in our fight but he might not do it so I need to be okay with that)