Hi Brooke
I’m struggling with my relationship with my husband. I feel that I am being held back and not living life the way I want to because he doesn’t want to do things and doesn’t approve of me doing things or let me do things. Example my very good friend and business partner lives in the US. We live in the UK. I would like to go on holiday to visit my friend and hangout with her and her family and let our kids play together. My husband doesn’t want to come. He won’t say why other than doesn’t want to holiday staying in someone else’s house and won’t explore other ways of going eg stay in a hotel.
My thoughts are, that’s fine. If you don’t want to go no problem but I do and I want to take our child and have a holiday. My thoughts are that I say that and he thinks I just want to do my own thing and not care about him and am more focussed on my own break and what about our family etc etc I feel bad and that I’m not being good wife and don’t want to go if he’s not going to be happy about it. I want him to agree and am missing out because he won’t.
Help. I am stuck in a thought loop. Should I just book my tickets and go? He always wants me to wait and not do things whilst he gets comfortable with the idea but he never does and then I never do the thing whatever it is. I feel stuck. Eg have dinner parties with friends over – he’s not comfortable, have a garden party – he hates mess and noise and too many people and too many children. I feel like he is so negative about so many things and my thoughts about his negativity are getting me down and making me shrink.
Model
C – husband doesn’t want me to go to US with our child
T – I can’t go if he’s not going to be happy about it
F – controlled and restricted
A – shrink and hide. Don’t go to US
R – don’t go to US
C – husband doesn’t want me to go to US with our child
T – I can go if that’s what I want to do and he will have to work out his own thoughts about it
F – Strong and confident
A – book ticket
R – go to US
Is that a right way to do the model? My brain says whilst the second one gets the result of my trip I might lose my relationship.
Thanks in advance Brooke.
