So I think I know the answer to this but I’m gonna ask anyway.

I was in a car accident today where the other driver was speeding on a back country road and ran a red light and hit me when I was turning left. It was very scary. Now every time I close my eyes I have that image in my head of the car in the intersection coming towards me at high speed but I see it in slow motion. It was so scary.

Ultimately, I am okay but the car is totaled and I’m left with this image in my head. I don’t like the way I feel when this image keeps coming in my head. I feel scared and out of control.

I keep thinking things like what if I didn’t stop for lunch? What if I didn’t file my nails this morning and left earlier? What if what if what if? I have thoughts like “I seriously could have died” and I can spiral from there.

I know it’s probably normal for me to feel this way. This just happened like six hours ago. I have the thought that “I don’t want to get ptsd” which I can see is probably going to cause me to create symptoms of of ptsd lol.

But every time I think of the accident I feel sick to my stomach. Like I could have died just like that on some stupid backroad in some stupid state where in know nobody in the middle of nowhere making my family come down and find me in some hospital. Okay well…I think I just identified the story that is making me feel sick. It’s that one. Thinking in detail of my death and how pointless and stupid it would have been. And for what? So that I can perform the job I don’t even like? So I can feel worthy and good enough because I’m pointlessly juggling 85 things, for what? What a waste. (I was driving for work when it happened).

So. I see my yucky feeling story. The facts are that another vehicle ran a red light and collided with mine at a high rate of speed while I was working in a state away from home. I did not get hurt. Everything is okay. But this still honestly doesn’t feel neutral at all. And I still have images of the car coming at me and then the thoughts flood in.

Do I have to just allow the image and the icky feeling? Is that what I’m supposed to do here? Maybe the circumstance is the images?

Any insight is appreciated.