Reoccurring Thoughts and Feelings


I ended a 7-year friendship recently.

About 2-1/2 of those years were spent trying to find a way to have a relationship that worked for me, too — i.e., I started setting boundaries. The process was long, and the decision came after a lot of contemplation and realizing that most of our time together involved me holding (and defending) boundaries.

I went through various emotions — sad, angry at myself, angry at her, guilty, etc. But then, I thought I allowed the feelings, did think work, and moved on.

Lately, I find that the feelings come back hot and heavy. I don’t regret my decision, but I will spend hours thinking about our relationship.

Why wasn’t it different? Why didn’t I set boundaries sooner? Why did I let myself get into this situation? I’m a good friend, why isn’t that enough for her? I’m arguing with reality, but I don’t stop (!!) It’s like I never did any work processing any of the relationships.

Thank you for your thoughts on my situation,