Late last night, I learned that a dear, dear friend of mine passed away suddenly and unexpectedly at age 38. Her funeral was this morning and I quickly cleared my schedule in order to attend. Despite the grief and racing thoughts, I was acutely aware that there would be many urges in my path today. I didn’t feel together enough to do any thought models on this, but I did quickly form an alternative eating plan since my current plan wouldn’t fly with the change of schedule.
This afternoon, however, I turned to food to deal with my feelings. With my schedule clear and wanting to give myself the day off from work, I used the time to plan and prep meals for the weekend, cooking the most delicious protocol recipes I could find.
I did this specifically for comfort and now I think that I am likely still buffering with food. I’m working so hard to stop the association between food and feeling and I had no idea it ran this deep and that terrifies me. The action (prepping protocol food for a busy weekend) was a positive one if it came from a negative feeling (and a negative thought), where does that leave me? Am I overthinking this?