Reply on boundaries

Hi there

But didn’t we say that we can not make a person change?

So if the goal of setting a boundary is to change a person. I don’t understand.

Because we said we can not change a person right? And telling them you are gonna leave the room if they scream. (in a loving way) what is the point?

I understand that I will leave the room if he starts screaming in our apartment. With the thought that I don’t like screaming because it upsets me and I don’t like his behavior. And I want my peace. BUT then again, I make my own feelings. Right?

Also this example:

So if my boyfriend has a panicattack because he doesn’t plan his life and is lazy and than complains about it because he didn’t do things on time.

And I have to listen to him complaining and exagarting even tough its his own fault he is in this position.

Is that a boundary violation or just a manual?

Thanks so much