Thanks for your reply.
i did some 20 minute coaching and also a lots of thoughts downloads.
Here’s what came up:
C: my friend texts me: and did you two get comfortable in your new home
T: I don’t feel how I want to feel about this.
A: think about it. feel bad and sad
R: questioning the relationship
So this is like the model that happens in my head. Actually it’s a model about the first model. But I didn’t get exactly what I think about my bf when someone asks me stuff like that. Not thoughts that make me excited, in love or that he’s the one.
So something like this happens and then I want to feel excited that I have a great relationship with my significant other.
And the mentioned model happens very quickly meaning I don’t feel excited and in love (That’s what I want to feel) and then I judge myself because first off he’s amazing and everything I want someone to be. Then I feel helpless and nervous. The only logic explanation is that he’s not the one. I mean what else? He’s the perfect guy for me.
And also I don’t want my relationship to be this way. I don’t want to feel like he’s just someone and not feel the full love and peace to be with him. I feel disconnected and sad.
I know relationship aren’t supposed to be easy but somehow my brain tells my that what I’m working on should be a given. How can your relationship last if you don’t have that and you have to work on it?
When I’m in that space, meaning in this story where I make him only this someone because of the moments I want to feel excitement and be in love and I don’t then I feel bad and sad. Because I really want him to be the one. I get really excited about it.
But then again working on him going from someone to the one in the future feels wrong because my brain tells me that this is a given and how can the relationship last if you have to convince yourself that he’s the one? Is this what your relationship is going to look like? if you do this that means you settled for something less.
There are people who can trigger better thoughts. etc.
And my brain tells me that I’m missing out on the real love experience. And I’m settling for something less if I let this story be part of my relationship. Especially on big moments where with the right person I want to feel different.
And also there is the thought that it’s too good to be true that I can just think that he’s the one and feel amazing. It just seems too good that I can be convinced that he’s the one. I feel like that I have to do something that will be a dealbreaker and too hard to manage or to do.
Maybe I’m being too negative and seeing it too painful of a job. I don’t know.
Also what I’ve noticed is that when I compare relationships I feel better or worse.
Like when I imagine a couple who is peaceful and excited on big moments with the other person I feel worse. because I don’t always have that.
But then when I imagine people being married for 20 yrs and maybe just living together and not think the other is good etc. I feel better. haha.
So can you help me with that?
The good thing is that I don’t feel anxious anymore about it because I know I can manage this and I’m gonna make this relationship work and be genuinely happy. And genuinely happy and thinking he’s the love of my life. I’m really excited on how we are gonna do this! 😀
How can I get out of this? 😄 I don’t see it yet. but I’m really excited.