How do I have requests for my husband without turning them into expectations? I’m holding lots of resentment because he doesn’t do things that he says he is going to do, then I respond with frustration and disappointment because I was counting on him. So how do I accept when he doesn’t keep his word and let go of my manual for him? I feel like if I stop asking him to do things it’s me pushing him out and becoming resentfully independent. Like “fine, I don’t need you!” I know that’s not the thought I want but I can’t seem to find the thoughts that will give me the right feeling.

For example:
C: I asked my husband to build a gift for friend’s birthday. He said he would be happy to, agreed upon the time it needed to be complete, but did not do it in time and I didn’t have the gift.
T: My husband isn’t dependable, so I shouldn’t ask him to do anything that is important to me.
F: frustration, disappointment, shame for depending on his help, worry that I don’t have a partner to help with the responsibilities of our family. Resentment that I can’t depend on him.
A: voice my anger and concern, blame him for my feelings, decide not to ask him to do things for me, create an emotional separation so I don’t feel disappointed over and over
R: I don’t feel love and connection towards my husband, I feel overwhelmed with the belief that I can’t ask my husband for help

I would love some help on how to navigate this in a way that I can have loving thoughts about my husband and myself.