Resentful of family


C – I moved to Puerto Rico from Chicago 9 months ago. My family lives in the Chicago area. Stepbrother’s wife once said (years ago) that she had gotten the wrong (bad) idea of me from my stepmom making little comments about me. My brother and his wife said they are not hanging out around unvaccinated people period (including me & any children) regardless if those unvaccinated people get tested. We have had 1 argument via FaceTime in early October about this during which my brother yelled and one heated discussion in November during which my SIL yelled at me or told me I was being selfish or uncaring. I have also had a couple more recent nice chats with them. They also said it wasn’t anything personal . . . but were then indoors, unmasked with my stepbrother’s unvaccinated kids for Christmas. They also flew to Florida for vacation recently. I have reached out to both stepbrothers & their wives recently to do a facetime and catch up. They expressed interest in talking, but when I asked when they were free and said when I was available, they didn’t reply. I mailed gifts to stepbrothers’ kids and sent them cards, but they didn’t send me anything. My Dad and stepmom also didn’t send me a card or gift, even after I told them I sent them gifts. I did exchange gifts with my brother and his wife via mail.
T – I feel like an outsider in the family—low priority, misunderstood and discriminated against.
F – Hurt
A – Talk to my Mom and my Dad about my frustration with my brother’s inconsistent covid standards. Tell Dad about frustration re: lack of effort from stepbrothers and wives. Talk to my best friends about it. Blame my stepmom. Blame everyone on Dad’s side. Question how close I want to be with them all. Question myself and my own efforts over the years and if it’s been enough. Wonder what meaning I’m making that I was separate this Christmas (in Dominican Republic with close friend due to feeling unwelcome since I am not vaccinated) and am not close with them (except Dad).
R – I am tired from mental activity. Nothing is resolved. I’m at least starting to process this situation. I feel more understood by my Dad. I feel supported by my close friends. I feel a weight on me because this feels unresolved.

Do you have any feedback on this model?

Also, I feel so much uncertainty about what to do with my family. I want to be intentional, but am not sure what I really want. I could pretty easily let go of relationships with the step-adults but want a relationship with my stepbrothers’ kids. And I want a relationship with my brother and his son. I feel his wife’s anxiety runs their marriage and that stresses me out but have historically gotten along well with her too.

Thanks!