Resentful towards husband


I’m having trouble with a recurring thought loop and my most recent model. I feel like it’s a tale as old as time. I am an exhausted mother not getting the help that I’d like from my husband nor the expressed appreciation for all that I do. The latest saga is that we are all recovering from a family sized round of flu. And mom shouldered most of the extra duties (the consoling of kids, still feeding the family, running to the grocery store, rocking the baby through the night while hubby rests and recovers)…while in between bouts of my own fever and chills. It came to a head on Valentine’s Day where I didn’t even get so much as a Happy Valentine’s Day and I love you. Did I say I love you or happy Valentine’s Day to him? No, but I totally deserve this pampering and acknowledgment! I’m absolutely wallowing in self pity and martyrdom about this, and I can’t model my way out. I keep having the thought that I need to set boundaries because there are actual physical limits to what I can do without completely depleting myself. I know we have to pick one feeling but I’m feeling so many emotions (exhausted, anger, sadness, disappointment, fed up, over it). This is a recurring thought. Help me break out of this self pity please!

C: hubby stayed in bed while I cared for sick baby.
T: he doesn’t care about my well-being
F: resentment
A: passive aggression. Don’t talk to him. Keep doing all the things out of martyrdom. Get exhausted and fed up. Leave sink full of dishes and yesterday’s pancakes on the counter. Want to leave. Leave temporarily to stay with my parents where I get help. Get angry that hubby isn’t the one caring for me.
R: ??

Intentional model
C: hubby stayed in bed while I cared for sick baby.
T: ?? Having trouble thinking of one that feels true and solves for the resentment. I could say that “he needed to recover so that he can run our family business” but it doesn’t ring true or the thought that “I do what’s necessary to take care of my own well being” Which feels very true but I still feel resentment towards him.
F: love
A: loving gestures. Closeness. Vocal expressions of love.
R: loving marriage

Truth is that I’ve done many models and the C’s (not really objective C’s but really my resentful feelings) keep stacking up (he didn’t get me anything for Valentine’s, he left to a work event while I had two fussy kids, he overdrinks and leaves me with more of the home/child care duties, etc)